Ok-so school starts tomorrow and I am SOOO excited! I'm spending this next semester doing one or two fashion courses and several music courses. Next fall will be primarily fashion classes and I can NOT wait! And I know that its a while away, but I have this summer rough drafted! Louisiana, LOADS of shopping at HUGE A malls, summer classes, and a few things that I'm not releasing yet! You all will just have to stay close and read fine lines!
xoxo
matthew!
Sunday, 10 January 2010
Tuesday, 5 January 2010
Beauty and it's beholder.
An excerpt from Marianne Williamson's book, entitled, "A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles" states,
As most wish, I, too, wish that I could forget my middle school years. Endless taunting and mistreatment have created the scars that I am, now, at the age of nineteen, dealing with. Battle wounds of the words "fag" and "queer". Bloodstains of the words "fat" and "ugly". And the thoughts of suicide. Just words and thoughts, but these are the words and thoughts that I remember. I don't remember many friendships. I don't remember many places. All that I'm left with, is the rubble that was created of my self-esteem by my peers. Now that I've grown from the tender age of twelve, thirteen, and fourteen, I look forward instead of backward...but I still carry the scars.
The reason I want botox is not to cover up the wrinkles and imperfections, but more of a symbol that I've endured enough and now is my time to shine and lead the way. After a very difficult junior year of high school, I was left with shattered friendships and over 200 scars from cutting myself. These are things that I will NEVER be able to 100% hide or fix. But the line in my forehead, the one thing that 500$ can fix, I will get fixed. The results may not last a lifetime, but for the short time that they do last, I can feel beautiful to me. Readers, you can say that you like me the way I am, but no matter how much you love the way I look, I'm the one who has to live with the emotional and physical scars of my youth. Put me down if you want, but my self-worth is more important than your approval. I ask that, even if you don't understand or agree 100% with me, please stand behind me. If this is the only or last time yo do, I ask that you support me.
I ran across this quote on a Facebook page and it struck me fervently. The quote goes on to state that every being is a manifest of God and how showcasing ourselves in a proud and upright manner will catapult others to do the same. For some time now, I've been getting heat from friends and fellow Twitter users on my feelings of botox treatments. Not that I can change your minds and make you see my reasoning, but I think you need to know my side.Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
As most wish, I, too, wish that I could forget my middle school years. Endless taunting and mistreatment have created the scars that I am, now, at the age of nineteen, dealing with. Battle wounds of the words "fag" and "queer". Bloodstains of the words "fat" and "ugly". And the thoughts of suicide. Just words and thoughts, but these are the words and thoughts that I remember. I don't remember many friendships. I don't remember many places. All that I'm left with, is the rubble that was created of my self-esteem by my peers. Now that I've grown from the tender age of twelve, thirteen, and fourteen, I look forward instead of backward...but I still carry the scars.
The reason I want botox is not to cover up the wrinkles and imperfections, but more of a symbol that I've endured enough and now is my time to shine and lead the way. After a very difficult junior year of high school, I was left with shattered friendships and over 200 scars from cutting myself. These are things that I will NEVER be able to 100% hide or fix. But the line in my forehead, the one thing that 500$ can fix, I will get fixed. The results may not last a lifetime, but for the short time that they do last, I can feel beautiful to me. Readers, you can say that you like me the way I am, but no matter how much you love the way I look, I'm the one who has to live with the emotional and physical scars of my youth. Put me down if you want, but my self-worth is more important than your approval. I ask that, even if you don't understand or agree 100% with me, please stand behind me. If this is the only or last time yo do, I ask that you support me.
Monday, 4 January 2010
My body, My journey.
Amidst my fashion blogs, I'll still be posting blogs about my life including the following:
In the fashion world, image is everything. The clothes you wear, the hairstyle you choose, the accessories you adorn, and yes, even your naked body. That's why this year is my year to change. I know we all say it every year, don't EVEN lie, "oh, you know, I really am going to lose weight this year," "I'm making a change and melting off the fat this year," "this year's my year to drop the weight!" Well, I've used ALL of the excuses and made all of the mistakes. I feel that it's time to actually do something about my weight. I feel like I've written this blog before but I don't care! This year, I'm going to Memphis in March, Louisiana for a week or two during the summer, the beach for at least a week in the summer, and to some of the southeast's hottest and largest malls. Its just now dawning on me that I am, in fact, going to want to look good for these things. I want to be the guy who lays on the beach while everyone stares at me. I want to be the guy who takes his shirt off at the club and I get to dance with a few good looking guys. I want to be the guy, at the mall, that all the girls pine over and all the guys sneer at. So-in lieu of all my wants, I'm giving that to myself. I know some people may say that happiness comes from what's on the inside but not for me. I still care about people and the environment, but I'm unapologetically materialistic. I love to see plants grow, and puppies play, and kids playing. But I like to live by what I own. I know it may seem selfish and shallow but its just me. And it doesn't stop there; my mom and I are both thinking of getting some work done. I have this line on my forehead that I want reduced and I would also like a little botox in the corners of my eyes and a little in between my eyebrows along with some laser hair removal. And I'm not going to turn into a Joan/Melissa Rivers. I just want these things to make myself feel better. But the only way I'll let myself have these things is if I lose the weight, keep it off, and get a job that pays. I'm just glad that I do have some friends that support me. I don't think that wanting to drop 3-4 jean sizes in a few months is outrageous, nor do I think that treating myself to botox and laser hair removal is over the line. Its a goal that I'm comfortable with and I stand by it no matter how some of my friends feel. I'm tired of feeling fat and outwardly ugly. If I'm strong enough to state how I currently feel about myself, I'm strong enough to change it.
xoxo
matthew!
In the fashion world, image is everything. The clothes you wear, the hairstyle you choose, the accessories you adorn, and yes, even your naked body. That's why this year is my year to change. I know we all say it every year, don't EVEN lie, "oh, you know, I really am going to lose weight this year," "I'm making a change and melting off the fat this year," "this year's my year to drop the weight!" Well, I've used ALL of the excuses and made all of the mistakes. I feel that it's time to actually do something about my weight. I feel like I've written this blog before but I don't care! This year, I'm going to Memphis in March, Louisiana for a week or two during the summer, the beach for at least a week in the summer, and to some of the southeast's hottest and largest malls. Its just now dawning on me that I am, in fact, going to want to look good for these things. I want to be the guy who lays on the beach while everyone stares at me. I want to be the guy who takes his shirt off at the club and I get to dance with a few good looking guys. I want to be the guy, at the mall, that all the girls pine over and all the guys sneer at. So-in lieu of all my wants, I'm giving that to myself. I know some people may say that happiness comes from what's on the inside but not for me. I still care about people and the environment, but I'm unapologetically materialistic. I love to see plants grow, and puppies play, and kids playing. But I like to live by what I own. I know it may seem selfish and shallow but its just me. And it doesn't stop there; my mom and I are both thinking of getting some work done. I have this line on my forehead that I want reduced and I would also like a little botox in the corners of my eyes and a little in between my eyebrows along with some laser hair removal. And I'm not going to turn into a Joan/Melissa Rivers. I just want these things to make myself feel better. But the only way I'll let myself have these things is if I lose the weight, keep it off, and get a job that pays. I'm just glad that I do have some friends that support me. I don't think that wanting to drop 3-4 jean sizes in a few months is outrageous, nor do I think that treating myself to botox and laser hair removal is over the line. Its a goal that I'm comfortable with and I stand by it no matter how some of my friends feel. I'm tired of feeling fat and outwardly ugly. If I'm strong enough to state how I currently feel about myself, I'm strong enough to change it.
xoxo
matthew!
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